Monday, January 5, 2015

Tackling the 'Iceberg'

In the spirit of my last post where I mentioned the movie “The Titanic” I was thinking a lot today about something that all missionaries are encouraged to become experts on: Finding the Iceberg. (Preach My Gospel, Pg. 127) This means that sometimes we think we have found the doubts, needs, or worries of a person we are teaching, but really there is a lot under the surface that we have not gotten to yet.
I remember a family that my companion and I were teaching.  The couple needed to get married in order to be Baptized.  Because of the culture where I served, they referred to each other as “husband and wife” even though they were not legally married.  The “wife” had willingly accepted Baptism, but could not do it if her “husband” would not agree to marry her.  The husband was wary about marriage. So, we spent several days just teaching about the Law of Chastity, Eternal Families, and the Plan of Salvation. He still did not budge. After many inspired questions, we discovered his “iceberg.” We thought would not marry her simply because he did not want to, but we learned that he would not marry her because he did not believe in the Book of Mormon and did not want his “wife” to be Baptized in a Church he did not believe in. When we taught him about the Church and the Book of Mormon, he accepted the challenge to get married and was even Baptized with his wife. What seemed to be a doubt about marriage, turned out to be something a lot deeper, but very easy to fix.
 This experience helped me learn that I could help keep my Anxiety under control by asking myself inspired questions and finding the iceberg beneath my own worries.  It frustrates me when people confuse suffering from Anxiety with “being stressed out.”  I hate having a Panic Attack and having people say “Chill out” “Don’t stress” or simply “relax.”  Anxiety is medical condition. It means that Serotonin levels in the brain are low. I have had panic attacks in completely relaxing situations. But, stress has a huge impact on Anxiety, and if we can keep worries and stress under control, Anxiety becomes much more bearable.
I often find that I am nervous or stressed or worried and not even sure why. So, I try to walk myself through it. Recently, I was feeling very anxious as I got ready for work one morning. I have worked with money for a long time and it can be stressful at times—no one wants to screw up when it comes to handling other people’s money!  Although I have done this job for several years and never been written up for being off on my till, I felt myself shaking while going to work. The mental conversation I had with myself provides a good model for how to reduce worry by finding your “iceberg.”
“Okay, I am scared to go to work. What could really go wrong at work? I work at a secure place and there are constantly other people around, so it is not very likely for me to be in danger. I must be worried that I will do something wrong. What’s the worst thing that I could do? Probably be off on my till at the end of my shift. So, what if I am? What will happen? Well, no action is taken unless I am more than ten dollars off. I have never been more than a dollar off before, so I probably won’t now. But what is the worst that can happen if I am more than ten dollars off? Well, the first time, all you get is a warning. No big deal. After that, it is a write up. Still no big deal. If it happens six times within six months, I would be fired. That probably won’t happen. But what if it does? Well, after the first few times I would probably get the hint that I am not good at cashiering and I would put in my two weeks notice. If I did that, or even if I did get fired, I still have another job. I am not going to die of hunger. Everything should be okay.”

When we really dig deep and dissect our fears, we usually find that they are not based on anything rational at all. Once we go deep enough into our own personal “Icebergs,” we find the basis of our feelings, making it easier for us to control them, and not be controlled by them.  

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